Leading with Curiosity: What Is Your Team Not Telling You?

How comfortable is your team in calling you out when you are wrong?  

Think about the last time someone in a meeting told you plainly that your idea  would not work. How long ago was that, and how did you respond?  

Many senior leaders I work with pause at that question, and you may do too.  Over the years, being the one who knows can become part of who you are.  So it is worth asking what that does to the people around you.

Speed over Presence  

A leader I coached described solving problems before his teams finished  describing them. Someone would begin to lay out an issue, and he would  already be two steps ahead, sketching the answer. When work came back  to him, he felt compelled to rework tasks rather than wait for his team to  

fill in their version.  

He would walk into meetings feeling decisive, efficient and productive.  Initially that instinct seemed to build credibility. Imagine being in his team for a  moment. You come in with a problem you have been turning over for a week.  Two minutes in, your leader has the answer, and it's a good one. You nod, take  notes and leave. Now imagine that happening every week for a year. What would  you stop bringing to him?  

Control and Beliefs  

Over time it became about a need for control, and underneath it sat a belief  that he was right and that the teams were not measuring up. From where he sat,  he was helping. He reflected candidly that teams stopped approaching him with  their challenges.  

During one-on-ones they confided not wanting to be wrong in front of others.  One team member put it more directly: "There's no point bringing it to you.  You've already decided."

His leadership had overshadowed them and their abilities to contribute. He  admitted to leaving those conversations shocked, as he didn't see it coming.  

"I was aiming to move fast, carry them along with me," he said. "How did this  derail so badly?" 

Perhaps you know a version of this. Recall a meeting that ran exactly to plan.  Nobody pushed back, you made decisions in half the time, and on the walk back  to your desk you caught yourself wondering why no one argued.  

One in Six do it  

It helps to be kind to yourself here. In my experience, control often starts as care,  for the result, for the client, for the team's reputation. When the stakes are high,  certainty feels like safety. Many leaders I work with know they no longer need to  be in everything, yet they still reach for depth in every assignment.  

When a leader keeps finishing the thinking, the team learns that their version isn't  needed, and their silence can look a lot like agreement. About one in six leaders I  coach name control as what's working against them. They usually see it once they  notice their team has stopped surprising them.  

What would your team say if they described how you run a meeting? And what  might they bring you if they felt sure you would listen first?  

Curiosity over Control  

We worked through all of this over a few sessions. The leader learnt to make  curiosity a priority. He chose listening over speaking, space over haste, and  mindfully put people first, process next.  

The practice he came back to was a small one. Before giving any view, he asked a  question. For example, when someone brought him a problem, he would ask,  "What do you think is going on here?" and then wait.  

At first, he told me, the waiting was hard, with the answer on the tip of his tongue.  Over a few weeks it got easier, and what he heard was often better than what he  had been holding back.  

Another leader I worked with once wrote down a goal for our coaching in nine  words: "don't solve the problem, let others solve the problem." 

It sounds easy, until you are in a meeting and can see the answer.  

Visible Change  

Within a few weeks he reported better interactions with his teams. Teams actively  sought him out, debated and discussed with enthusiasm. There was higher  energy and greater levels of engagement. He attributed it to increased trust and  openness.  

Your Pathway  

Here are six small moments where curiosity can grow.  

Your intent.  

You might ask yourself what you are there to do, to decide or to discover.  

A question first.  

When someone brings you a problem, you could let your first words be a  question.  

The pause.  

You might wait a few seconds longer than feels comfortable. Often the useful  idea comes from the person who needed that extra moment.  

Finished work.  

You could let your team complete their version before you touch it.  

The challenge.  

You might ask, "What am I missing here?" and wait for the answer.  

Your ratio.  

Remember your last three meetings. How much of the time were you speaking,  and how much were you listening?  

Control has its place, and in a crisis a clear call can be exactly what a team needs.  The difficulty comes when it  becomes the default for every conversation. More often than you might expect,  curiosity can serve you better than certainty. 

Points to Ponder  

• What's my primary intent in team meetings?  

• How would my team describe my speaking to listening ratio?  • What drives my leadership approach, control or curiosity?  

Control creates comfort. Curiosity creates growth.  

Leadership thrives in the balance.  

Reach out to explore how coaching can help you lead with curiosity and wonder.  What helps you stay curious when the pressure is on to have the answer?