Managing Upwards: Leadership Begins With Self-Awareness
Managing Upwards: Leadership Begins With Self-Awareness
How quickly do you move from listening to concluding?
And when you do, what does that communicate to the room?
A senior leader I worked with had spent more than two decades in her organisation. She valued clarity, forward movement and felt most useful when conversations resulted in clear next steps.
Over time, she began to notice something unsettled her in meetings with her seniors. Discussions went on longer than she expected. Decisions took time. Teams below her waited. She experienced their pace as slow. She sensed that her own pace felt fast to them.
The meetings were professional. Yet she often walked out carrying tension she could not make sense of.
Staying With the Experience
In one session, we stayed with a single meeting, instead of analysing what was said, we stayed with what she felt.
She described the moment she wanted to move things forward. As she replayed it, she noticed a tightening in her chest. Her body leaned in. Her breath shortened slightly. The urge to accelerate appeared before she had fully thought through her next sentence.
Her tone carried urgency.
She realised something that surprised her. What she called efficiency was sometimes her way of relieving discomfort. Progress gave her relief while extended discussion made her restless.
Her seniors seemed comfortable allowing questions to remain open. They did not rush to close the loop. She began to see that different people feel responsible in different ways.
The same meeting, however, different internal experiences.
Looking at What It Meant
Instead of focusing on their pace, she turned toward her own.
During the week, when did she feel most energised?
When did she feel drained?
Visible movement lifted her quickly, clear direction reassured her whereas when things stayed open for longer, something in her felt unsettled.
She began to see how closely she linked forward motion with competence. She also noticed that there was always a small space between the tightening and the words that followed and that she had never really paused in that space before. Once she saw it, she realised she had more choice than she had assumed.
Seeing the Bigger Picture
From there, she widened her reflection.
▷ What were her seniors holding that she was not directly owning?
▷ What consequences were shaping their caution?
▷ What pressures influenced their timing?
As she reflected on accountability at their level, longer time horizons, and broader organisational exposure, her understanding expanded. Their pace began to make sense within the weight they carried.
She realised that pace is often less about personality and more about perspective.
What Changed
In the meetings that followed, she became more aware.
She noticed the first sign of tightening, paused, asked one more question before offering her view and allowed silence to remain.
The shifts were small.
Over time, she sensed more ease in the room. Conversations felt less compressed, there was more participation and decisions felt more shared. She later reflected that the change began when she paid attention to herself before trying to influence others.
Reflections for You
▷ Where in conversations do you feel your body tighten?
▷ What pace gives you comfort?
▷ What pace unsettles you?
▷ How might your internal rhythm be shaping how others experience you?
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